Thursday, December 27, 2007

Just Married?

Just Married?

On July 7,th 2007, I married the girl of my dreams. Like so many couples who have gone before us, we were able to enjoy the luxury of a nice wedding thanks to my in-laws. We lacked for nothing: there was the beautiful dress my bride wore and the exquisite reception hall which was filled with food, family, and friends. The wedding cake couldn’t have been better. Oh! And how can I forget the cool and black (expensive) Mercedes -Benz we rented to take us from the ceremony to the reception. All and all it was a day to remember. Looking at some pictures the other day, I noticed a sign we placed on the back of our wedding mobile that simply read “Just Married.” Until recently, that popular phrase has never stood out to me.
Today however, the word “just” grabbed my attention. I understand that “just” indicates a moment of time in the present. For the sake of sharing a thought, I would like to make a slight play on words here. Even though my wife and I only have a few months beneath our belts, I have come to the realization that we are not “just” married. We are much more than that. Never before have I felt such an overwhelming sense of mortality and sometimes fear about life as I do now. My young and beautiful- but home sick wife is now totally dependant upon me. I am not “just” her husband and we are definitely not “just” married. I mentioned to my wife, that we are all each other truly has in this new life. It may seem fatalistic to some, but if life plays itself out both our parents will pass away and our children… they will grow up leaving Jaimee and me to ourselves again. We are a team, we are friends, we are companions, we are in love, but we are not “just” married. 
I am a full time evangelist who owns one vehicle and lives in a one bedroom apartment with one bathroom; my wife and I are inseparable. I don’t even feel totally comfortable leaving her home alone and so I pattern the day in order for us to be together as much as possible. At this proximity I can not possibly afford to “just” be married. When searching for a life long companion, there was a fundamental question of importance I had to ask myself: “Do I truly like what I see?” The reasoning behind this question is simple. I knew that I would undoubtedly become like the person I married and “just” being married would not cut it. Unfortunately, we as people often base our love for others on the premise that our virtues can void out vices in the lives of others. This could be noble, but it never stops there. We feel that our sacrifice of self is necessary in validating that we are indeed a loving and giving person. Though we see countless things that are wrong, our feelings tell us that our love can change the other. It is at this moment that we perceive love to be meaningful. This can be a tragic mistake in the case of marriage because time eventually reveals that we were not “just” married. But that we are welded together, their thoughts with our thoughts, their ways with our ways, and through marriage we are made into one flesh adopting one another’s qualities and characteristics. Before we know it, the very person that we set out to change has changed us and molded us into their image. We are not “just” married. We error to marry on the premise of pity. Do you like what you see? Because what you see is what you will inevitably become.
Prospective mates should be decided upon by their walk with God and everything else should come second. No two people joined together in marriage can afford to find themselves down the road and “just” married to each other. If they are, it will not be too long before they “just” get divorced and eventually “just” go find some one else “just” like one out of every two marriages do. Listen, reality can often be harsh. Sometimes people come to find out that they were engaged to Mr. Hyde and married to Dr. Jackel. Sometimes there is no way to tell what someone is going to be like or turn into, but we should not waive the white flag and yell divorce. There are some things that are worth fighting for and marriage is one of them.
It is virtually impossible to sum up what it means for two people to be married- frankly I doubt that anyone can. Reading the Bible, we find in the book of Genesis two relationships that are paramount and highlighted. If anyone were to pick up the Bible and begin reading at page one, they would immediately be confronted by these two relationships and their importance. The first relationship that would stand out is the one between God and man and the second is the relationship between a man and a woman. Our search for meaning, origin, and significance of life is our first priority as it was for Adam. Our second priority should be our relationship to our spouse. For any of us to look at our spouse and think that we are “just” married is a loss. Such thinking will ensure that we lose the great importance that life holds and reveals through this most holy union of man and wife or in my case boy and girl.


Jesse & Lynna said...

You two are a wonderful couple and I really do love you both. I support you all the way and love the blog. The content and writing style is very comfortable and interesting.

Ari & Jaimee Prado said...

Jesse & Lynna,
We love you both too!!
Ari & Jaimee